Ed’s Guide to Not F***ing Up

Warning: This is for the Thick-Skinned Only

Before Ed gets to what you want to know, he has one point to make. Indulge him.

For those of you already in the biz, you know that one of the rules in magazine
service writing is to never be negative. You shouldn’t point out the bad
behaviors of your readers—like that the vast majority of them are gorging
themselves with fast food, and therefore dying of heart attacks and complications
from diabetes. As an editor, you must find a way to spin the story so your readers
aren’t inadvertently offended by the messenger (your magazine), but will still take
the steps to improve themselves. For instance, the story about obesity that
should be “Why You Need To Stop Eating Like a Pig or It’ll Kill
You” would be more likely titled, “10 Ways to Feel Better About
Your Body.”

That said, the service article Ed is about to write here would be titled “How
To Get Ahead in the Magazine Business,” but Ed feels that unlike the mass
market of consumer interest magazines, you can handle the truth. So the title
of this service piece is,

Hed: What You Are Doing Wrong

Dek: How To Know If You’re The One That’s Annoying An Editor
or Potential Employer

While you’re networking/looking for work, never:

• Send your resume on colored paper. Barf.

• Decline to accept an internship on the spot. Every other position you
can say, “Can you give me a day to think about it?” But whether
it’s fair or not, most editors see internships as a favor to the applicant—not
the other way around. Accept the offer graciously and with much enthusiasm or
decline if you don’t want it. Don’t put off an editor as you decide
which internship to take, or until you wait for something better comes along.
The magazine world is small. You don't want your faux pas to come back and haunt
you in a few months when you're looking for an entry-level position. That editor
you were rude to happens to be the best friend of the editor at your dream job.

• Follow up more than once after turning in an edit test or interviewing
for a position. It’s fine to call once to make sure that an editor received
your cover letter or test, but don’t keep calling. It’s tough, but repeatedly following
up, especially via phone, is annoying. The harsh truth is that if an editor
wants to hire you, she’ll contact you.

• Name drop. Name dropping can work in certain situations (like getting
an interview with Condé Nast HR), but you have to actually be tight with
the person whose name you are dropping, or it can backfire. A friend of Ed’s,
an editor at a consumer magazine, received a cover letter from a young man who
said he was friends with a friend of the editor’s. When the editor called
his friend to get a recommendation, the friend said, “Who?” The
young man didn’t get an interview.

• Push your luck. A lot of editors are extremely gracious with their
time and are happy to meet with recent graduates for coffee or for informational
interviews. But don’t assume that a one-time meeting with an editor makes
her your best friend. Don’t use her name—unless she suggests that
you do—in your correspondence for other jobs. And don’t assume that
you are now buddies who should catch up on the phone once a week. Be respectful
that the editor is busy. It’s fine to check in from time to time with
short emails to see if she’s heard of any jobs, but pay attention to her
responses. If her emails are one-word replies, or she never returns your messages at all,
take the hint. Remember: Making connections only helps you if the person likes
you; if you annoy an editor, you run the risk that s/he might prevent you from
getting a job.

While you’re in a job interview, never:

• Be late. Ed offered these good excuses for being late to nearly 50
senior-level editors in New York to see if they’d forgive him: “The
subway was late,” “There was a homeless man who tripped me,”
“My alarm didn’t work,” “I got lost,” and “I
didn’t know what floor you were on.” The subway excuse was the only
one that editors might be understanding about—but only 12.8% of the editors
Ed surveyed said it was okay. That’s not a risk you should take. Leave
extra early; hang out in the Starbucks across the street if you have time to
kill.

• Say, “I just love [fill in the blank] market.” For some reason, recent grads love to say this. But resist the urge.
Editors like to see their magazines as unique—not a part of a market of magazines.
Besides, using the word “market” sounds phony and so PR. Same with
“book” when referring to a magazine. Says one editor-in-chief Ed
talked to: “It’s a poseur word.”

• Ask, “How much does this job pay?” in the first interview.
Editors know that you want to get paid. But you’re supposed to play that
you’d work at this magazine for free you love it so much. Hold your salary
inquiries until you are a finalist and/or when HR calls you. Want to know the
ballpark of what that company pays? Go to Ed’s salary board at ed2010.com/salary.html.

• Ask, “Do you work really late?” The truthful answer is
probably yes. How are you going to respond to that? Are you going to say, “Oh,
well, that’s great! Sign me up!” I don’t think so. Editors
hate it when interviewees ask this question. Nose around to see what the hours
are like. Ask friends of friends. Or call the editor to “check in”
on the job search at 11 p.m. on a Tuesday. If she answers, well, there’s
your answer.

• Say, “I only read The New Yorker,” “I don’t
read your magazine,” “I wrote my thesis on how women’s magazines
are anti-feminist” (in an interview with a women’s magazine editor),
“I want to work at a magazine or in PR—I can’t decide,”
or “When will I get promoted?” Yes, people really say these things
in interviews; they’ve said them to Ed’s friends who hire at magazines.
Don’t be one of the idiots who say them.

• Wear: jeans, shorts, a shirt that shows your bra straps — or worse, your boobs — a hat, a scrunchie,
perfume or cologne (unless it’s a TINY bit).

While working as an intern or an editorial assistant, never:

• Ask the editor-in-chief to lunch on your first day. Ed did this on
the first day of his internship at a consumer magazine in New York and he managed
to survive in the industry. But he barely survived the embarrassment when the
editor-in-chief said, “Who are you?” in response. Ouch. Another
thing, you probably shouldn’t be walking into the EIC’s office or
talking to him/her anyway. At most magazines when you’re an intern or
new EA, Little House on the Prairie rules apply—don’t speak
until spoken to.

• Turn down an assignment. Recently a friend of Ed’s, an editor
at a women’s magazine in New York, had an intern who was asked to write
display copy for the magazine. The intern turned in the copy, and it came back
with lots of edits and notes from the editor and the executive editor (par for
the course). The next month the intern was assigned the same task, and she told
her boss, “You know, you guys really didn’t like what I wrote last
time, so I don’t think I should do it again.” Ed’s friend
is still picking his jaw up off the floor.

• Say anything negative about your boss to another staff member. It will
get back to him or her. Trust no one.

• Be sloppy with photo-copying or distributing copy. If you can’t
copy a bunch of clips or other documents without missing a page, stapling one
upside down, or otherwise screwing it up, you can’t handle writing or
editing. Simple as that.

• Be late. Even if your boss is late. Never be late. Never. Get it? Never.
And don’t think that those long rambling voice mails about how the subway
was screwed up, or how your roof was leaking, or how your alarm was set to p.m.
make up for it. Your boss will probably hit * D as soon as s/he hears your voice.

• Have your coat on at 5:59 p.m. Okay, so the day is over technically
at 6 p.m, but you can pretend you have enough work to do to stick around till,
oh, 6:09.

• Miss a deadline. ‘Nuff said.

Okay, so you won’t be banned from the industry for these indiscretions,
but they are annoying, so stop doing them now:

• Announcing whatever it is you’re dropping off into an editor’s
inbox. As in, “Today’s news clippings!” “Edits from
Barbara!” “Here’s the Table of Contents galley!” Just
quietly leave the thing in the box and walk out …. no words needed.

• Sending mass emails to the entire staff (or worse—company!) about
how you need a roommate or about your lost stapler.

• Replying “thanks” or “you’re welcome”
to a routine email to an editor-in-chief or another busy editor. It’s
annoying to open a new email to only see one word that tells us nothing.

• Replying to all. Same concept as the “thanks” above. Is
someone scheduling a meeting, and asking if you are available tomorrow at 2
p.m.? Don’t tell the other 12 people on the list if you can come or not.
Just reply to the person who wrote you. No one else cares.

• Making personal phone calls longer than five minutes in your cube.
You have a cell phone, don’t you? Go outside or at least in the hallway, and make the call there.

• IMing all day with your friends. We see you.

Now don’t cry! Ed’s just trying to help you—not make
you feel bad about yourself. If any of the above behaviors sound a bit familiar,
you might want to, um, do something about them. Or maybe you don’t. But
at least you were warned!